As I said in the previous post, life has been nothing short a lot of big changes in just a few short weeks. I’m still trying to learn how to drive in a large city, as well as learning to plan for driving in a large city. Everything takes so much more time, and frankly, I’m not in love with this aspect of my new life. I really miss driving 30 minutes and being at my grandparents house. I dislike even more that driving 30 minutes here doesn’t even get me home and it’s fewer miles. So because I feel a little depressed by a few of the changes in my life, I just want to take a minute to list them, cry over them for a minute and then shake them off , so I can move forward.

I miss my grandparents. I feel as if I’ve left them at a time in my life when I really need them most and I want to spend as much time with them as I can. I don’t know how to balance this feeling of ‘loss’ and ‘helplessness’ and ‘despair’. It eats at me more than I wish, and frankly, I don’t know how to get rid of this “I miss…”.

I miss my sister, sister-in-law, my niece and nephews.

I missed the birth of my new nephew. This is especially hard since they named him after our dad. Somehow it seems surreal that I haven’t yet met him, after having spent the first 6+ months with my niece.

I miss Montana. Colorado is nice, but it’s not Montana. Maybe this will change once I’ve gotten to travel around the state a bit more. I’m most excited to get to go farther West, but frankly, I’d rather not go farther East. I’m “East-ed Out”.

I miss my Mom.

I miss visiting my dad’s grave site. Maybe this sounds macabre, but frankly, I enjoyed the quiet of the cemetery and the peace that bringing flowers and visiting him brings to me.

I miss cooking with my brother. I’ll miss him even more when he’s in Australia, but at least I’ll know he’s having a blast! I can hardly wait to hear of his travels when he returns.

I miss my brother David.

I miss Sara’s Porkies! I haven’t had a pork chop sandwich in almost two years. Maybe I can order some and they can ship them to me, frozen. I’ll have to look. I hadn’t thought of that.

I miss The Parrot! I miss their chocolates and nuts and malt sodas so much I could cry. I haven’t had a really good chocolate covered carmel in ages.

I miss driving 30 minutes and being in the center of the mountains.

I miss church on Sunday and spending the afternoon with my grandparents.

I miss impromptu dinners with my family.

I miss visiting Montana’s ghost towns. I haven’t finished seeing them all, and I wonder if I’ll complete this goal.

I miss feeling like I’m starting a career. I enjoy my job and the company, but I don’t feel like I’m getting anywhere or creating a career. I feel like I’m stuck in an Administrative Assistant job, and I’m not certain how to move forward.

*sigh*

Yes – I’ve been away for quite some time. Well, not exactly away. Just busy. Insanely busy. So busy, in fact, that I haven’t created a new recipe in a year, sewn anything, painted anything, decorated anything, printed anything…and so on. My time has been spent working a full time job, living in a 1 room “cabin” in Tioga North Dakota, meeting my husband, getting married and moving to Calhan Colorado.

Yes – Calhan Coloardo. Yes – Married. Yes – Babies are possible within the next year.

Crazy; I know!

I’m ecstatic with the changes in my life and I cannot wait to get started building a life with my husband that will last FOREVER and be a nurturing, loving, happy home for future children.

Oh wait – You want to see some photos? I’m certain I can manager one.

This is one of our engagement photos. This was actually taken mere hours before the ceremony.

Photo taken by Wild Mountain Photography of Helena Montana

Meet Michael.

I’m a lucky gal!

(And yes, I do know I am. I’m pretty certain he’d say he was a lucky guy, too!)

And a photo from our wedding.

Photo taken by Wild Mountain Photography of Helena Montana

So in a nutshell, my life has bloomed into something more than I ever imagined or dreamed of. Along with my marriage and moving to Calhan, I’ve gotten my creativity back and I’m working on setting up a studio in our home. I’ll post some pictures of the ‘before’, as soon as I find my camera!

I hope you’ll all join me!

This year, when did you feel the most integrated with your body? Did you have a moment where there wasn’t mind and body, but simply a cohesive YOU, alive and present? – (Author: Patrick Reynolds)

Honestly.

Only when I’m riding. Otherwise I feel out of place and “Amazon-ish”. When I’m riding everything just seems to flow and is in sync. I’m thinking, reacting, acting, listening, moving, feeling and concentrating all as one happy unit. It’s so freeing to feel like this, especially when I feel gangly and discombobulated most of the time. (Example: inability to walk gracefully in heels).

What about you all? I’d love to hear your “integrated” moment.

What are 11 things your life doesn’t need in 2011? How will you go about eliminating them? How will getting rid of these 11 things change your life? – (Author: Sam Davidson)

I’m not excited about having to dwell on 11 things my life doesn’t need.

Negativity. I’m tired of feeling negative, even when something is a positive. I don’t want to think about what can go wrong. I just want to think about how positive this experience is right now!

Shame. Honestly…this has to be the worst human emotion out there. Yes, I appreciate shame when it’s warranted. But damnit! I’ve made a few mistakes and some mistakes have been made against me. I don’t want to keep dwelling on the mistake and rehashing it and trying to internalize the whole mess! Enough already!

Which brings me to another thing I’d like to get rid of. That nagging little voice that says I’m not pretty enough, or tall enough. The voice that nags me when I’m smiling and makes me think people are just staring at my nose or the space between my teeth! For pete sake! I know it’s there. Why do I have to make myself feel like everyone is obviously staring at it in horror. I’m not Taylor Swift. Why does my brain keep telling me, that ME is not enough! I am enough! More than enough! I’m unique and frankly I just want to be comfortable in my own damn skin! I can’t get rid of it, or exchange for another model. I just want to be comfortable in ME!

Lack of friends. I don’t have any. I don’t need a “BFF” or whatever the heck that is. I just want friends who don’t dwell on drama. Who are striving to do right by others and themselves. Who can walk into a bar or club and hang out as girls without having to worry about every guy in the joint. WHO CARES ABOUT MEN! I’d use the “F” word right now, but I know my Uncle reads this and I really don’t like using the “F” word, but sometimes it feels necessary. I just want that happy friend relationship that’s not threatened by a guy or a huge diamond. I just want respect and trust and a boat load of fun. *Insert internal nagging voice here* “You aren’t pretty enough. Oh and you aren’t flawless, and you like to talk about politics, and you sometimes get a little loud when your drinking. Oh, and, remember. That obnoxious laugh you have when you’re trying really hard to fit in, and it’s so obvious that you don’t. That’s why you don’t have friends.” See what I mean? Why can’t that little hooker leave me alone!

I’m tired of being shy! It’s worse than be a coward, and being a coward is pretty bad. Besides, I don’t look good in yellow and I’m assuming that “shy” is like a big huge florescent pink and yellow flag. It’s so…out there! And I’m not much of a pink girl either. So lets just mix the two colors that don’t fit me, plaster them all over me in a huge swishy jump suit and laugh while I stumble through life trying to remain a wall flower. *insert “F” word* I’m done with this jumpsuit!

Can I say my big feet. I mean, I know they are kind of stuck with me, but I really want to buy *superstar* hot heels and be able to actually walk around in them, gracefully. Not like a knock kneed zebra. GEEZ! Do they give lessons on walking in heels? Because if so, sign me up!

Think about what makes you different and what you do that lights people up. Reflect on all the things that make you different – you’ll find they’re what make you beautiful. – (Author: Karen Walrond)

To be nobody but yourself in a world which is doing its best to make you somebody else, is to fight the hardest battle you are ever going to fight. Never stop fighting. ~ e. e. cummings

I live by this quote. And have for many years. I found it when I was about 8 I think, and wrote it down in a journal I had at the time. I’ve recited it to myself whenever I feel the slightest bit down on myself. It doesn’t always change how I’m feeling, but it certainly pushes me in the right direction of remembering that I am who I am because God made me this way.

I don’t really see things that make me different as making me different. If that makes any sense. I genuinely care about people. All people for that matter. I believe in treating others as we’d like to be treated, and I make every effort to remember to do this in my daily life. It’s difficult sometimes, and I sometimes fail. I equate silence at the supper table as an indication of how much people like the food I’ve poured my heart into. I cook because it reminds me of my granma. My granma is my best friend. EVER!

I’m stuck! Analyzing the things about me that make me “Beautifully Different” is driving me crazy. Maybe after some time away from this I’ll be able to better re-group and think my answer through better.

I hope anyway!

December 6 – Make – What was the last thing you made? What materials did you use? Is there something you want to make, but you need to clear some time for it? – (Author: Gretchen Rubin)

I spend the majority of my day “making something”. Be it a fancy meal, ornaments for a Christmas tree, a logo for a client, or paper dolls for my niece, my days are usually spent making something, and it’s just a part of each day for me. If I wasn’t making something, I’d probably have to be in bed, sick.

Just today alone I’ve made a center piece using mason jars and Epsom salt, drew shapes to cut out of paper for Christmas ornaments, made a supper of Jamaican Jerk Chicken with Grilled Red and Sweet Potatoes and I made an Apple Cranberry Cobbler and drizzled it with Eggnog.

I always have plans for things I’d like to make. Lots of plans. I don’t think a lifetime is enough time to accomplish everything, but I’m certainly going to try. This is the uniqueness that is me, and part of who I am. This never ending need to create or make or design or build or grow.

"Be yourself. An original is always worth more than a copy." – Unknown.

I try to remember to live by this each day…because it really is what makes each of us who we are.

Today’s prompt from #reverb10 is – “Moment. Pick one moment during which you felt most alive this year. Describe it in vivid detail (texture, smells, voices, noises, colors). (Author: Ali Edwards)”

I’ve been dwelling on this all day. Honestly, I haven’t felt truely happy in several years. Life just hasn’t played nice. Between a divorce, the subsequent loss of the majority of my friends,  having my life turned upside down, the loss of my job, being diagnosed with an allergy that drives me crazy, and family issues it’s been a rough couple years. Picking a moment is difficult.

However, having accepted a job in North Dakota, I’ve been able to spend several hours in the saddle and on the back of a really agile horse. Who’s trained on a bosal, and who’s cowy. Just love that feeling. It’s been so long since I’ve enjoyed or even had the chance to get on a good horse. My life the last several years has been pretty restricted to work and when I’m on the farm we don’t use horses. We’ve had to downsize our cow herd substantially and with that went our horse herd as well. Signs of the times.

The moment I’m going to pick is when I first met “Mick” and that feeling of “oneness” you get when you connect with a horse and it just feels right.

Mick’s owner is my bosses nephews. He’s owned him for several years. Mick is 6 years old and a bay. Kind of blond colored bay. The day we went over to pick Mick up was a warm day in October, no wind, still sunny and bright out in the early evening. I’ll be honest. I wasn’t expecting Mick to be much. This stems from having ridden lots of horses on lots of different ranches, and by the time they are this age, they’ve been ridden by so many different people that sometimes they are a handful. Every horse has their own quirks, mannerisms, and personalities and sometimes you just don’t blend well together. However, that doesn’t mean you can’t usually work together to get a job done, so that’s what I’m used to having to do. Work together to get the job done.

Mick is… well… different. We blend. The minute I walked up to him I could feel it, and I’m pretty sure he could to. I could see it in his eyes, that soft doe look that a horses gets when they are comfortable and want you to touch them. The relaxed, bright eyes and soft nose nuzzle are really all it takes to make a person melt. Being around Mick reminds me of the many reasons I love this lifestyle and I just can’t seem to be away from it, no matter how much life pulls and turns and twists me in so many ways. Having Mick in my life now is so poignant and bitter sweet. He’s the type of horse I’ve always wanted. The kind I can ride, and learn from and with and frankly just connect with. So in reality, I don’t have just one moment that has made me feel alive lately, because every chance I get to spend with Mick is an alive moment.

Some things…just are!

So the prompt from #reverb10 for today is “December 2 – Writing. What do you do each day that doesn’t contribute to your writing — and can you eliminate it? (Author: Leo Babauta)”

I’m not an author, or even a writer. Obviously. My grammar is atrocious, and I haven’t a clue about proper sentence structure, or even what a perfect proposition is. I’m lucky I can figure out what a noun or an adjective is. I always loved those assignments in class that required you to use as many descriptive words as possible in a story, or sentence. That’s really all I can remember from my High School English classes.

Art was more my thing. Although, now that I’m older, I wish I had taken pottery class as well. And I really wish my school could have offered a metal working/metal casting class. I’d have been ALL over that!

Back to writing. I write when I have time and the energy to sit in front of my laptop and pour my heart out. So often my posts are from the heart, about things in my day that I struggle with, or I’m happy about. Just like every other blogger out there. And coincidentally, I really dislike the term blogger being used on what I do as “blogging”. I don’t classify myself as such. Come to think of it, I don’t really like classifications either.

I tend to make a list of ideas I have that I’d like to write on, but I don’t always go off the list when I create a blog post. It’s just a way to brain dump. I suppose I could become more committed to the blog, and set aside actual time to write blog posts, and brainstorm blog posts. But frankly, that really takes the fun out of it for me. I like blogging when something happens that makes me want to blog. Maybe I’ll never have dozens of followers.

I’m happy with my “Mini Skirt” as it is.

Thank you to those of you who read my blog. Even the pathetic posts. And I’m sorry for not updating the “Dating Saga Whoa’s”. I actually have a new one I should post. Maybe later today!

What’s new in your world?

Cold and snow for mine. I was just outside watering and feeding my dog, and I have a headache from the cold. Not my idea of a good time. I’m afraid to look at a thermometer.

After a recent foray into the Walmart in Williston ND, I ended up with these:

which I promptly turned into this:

The white center piece is a work in progress. I’m thinking about adding a coffee filter garland and putting it all on a platter. I just have to find the right platter. Would love to find an elegant white antiqued platter, but just haven’t found anything that sparks my interest yet.

My new winter boots:

The warmest jacket I have with me at the moment is my ski jacket from last year. I need a new one for this year. This photo just made me realize how “big” my calves are. Girl can’t win for nothing! HA!

For two days we had a thick fog surround us. Was sort of surreal and made me think a lot about the settlers in this country. Honestly, it was lonesome in all that fog! These photos are from the next morning when the sun was shining and everything looked fairytale white!

The trees were covered in a fine dusting of frost:

I ordered these for the Lodge and love them. I think they are the perfect fit for both men and women:

That’s about all that’s new here. I’m in search of a few new magazines to subscribe to. I’m thinking “Real Simple” and I don’t know what else. Any thoughts? Ideas? I want some design inspiration. I’m feeling a little stale out here at the moment.

Have a fantastic Sunday!

Good afternoon!

Wondering if I’ve dropped off the face of the planet? Darn close! It’s been an extremely hectic, long, busy and fun past several weeks. I’m in Tioga North Dakota at the moment. Tioga is approximately 8 and a half hours from Helena. Basically…it’s a really long drive from my house.

This is where I’ve been for the past several weeks. Cook’n and clean’n and generally helping to keep the lodge running smoothly for 3 groups of waterfowl and upland bird hunters.

This is sort of the meeting/bar area of the lodge where everyone hangs out before supper and shoots the breeze. The lodge has a beautiful slate floor and lots of wood work. Very homey feeling.

Kitchen of course. This is a fantastic view of the rising sun in the mornings. I just love watching the color spread across the sky!

This is the living room. Again, another great fire place and lots of wood.

And that’s that. I’ve finally gotten into a bit of a routine now and have more free time so I’ll be posting again soon. The town of Tioga is definitely an interesting mix of agriculture and an oil boom. While here, I’ve had an interesting opportunity present itself so I’ve been really analyzing my life and my dreams and in what direction I want to head. Sometimes making adult decisions is so difficult.